Former President Trump was famed for giving nicknames to any leader or official whom he didn’t care for, preferably over Twitter in some garbled rant. Whether calling Joe Biden “Sleepy Joe,” Hillary Clinton “Crooked Hillary,” or North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un “Rocketman,” the fact remains that hacky nicknames were Trump’s specialty. But what about President Joe Biden?
We all know Biden’s affinity for saying old-time expressions that only grandpas would say, including “Malarkey,” but what we don’t really know is what nicknames, if any, Biden has for his opponents. We do know he seems to like calling Fox News’ Peter Doocy a “stupid son-of-a-b#tch,” which seems pretty accurate. That really begs the question of what nicknames Biden might secretly have for Russian President Vladimir Putin, especially now that US-Russia relations are at an all-time low following Putin’s invasion of Ukraine.
These are the 10 names Biden should call Putin on live TV (except Brandon, that one is taken). Now this is how you properly snark on your opponent.
Cover Photo: Win McNamee (Getty Images)
Joe Biden Nick Names For Putin
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3. Cutie Patootie
OK, so we readily admit that cute is the last thing that comes to mind when thinking of Russia's dictator. But that's what makes it so ingenuous.
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4. Jello Putin Pop
This is new take on an old classic. The fact that serial rapist Bill Cosby is associated with Jello pudding pops almost makes this nickname for Putin seem less offensive.
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5. Vladdy Cakes
While the jury is not out, it really seems like Putin is nothing but a dead corpse inside a meat suit. He's sort of like Mark Zuckerburg but far more evil. Calling him Vladdy Cakes seems to slightly personalize the evil autocrat.
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6. St. Petersburg Shorty
You may not know this but Putin is pretty short. In fact, the grimacing psycho stands at a whopping 5'7". This perfectly explains why he must invade a sovereign country to overcompensate for his lack of manly size. And since Putin was born in St. Petersburg like most czars, why not go with this apt nickname.
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7. Putin on the Fritz
We've all seen Mel Brook's Young Frankenstein and the famous "Puttin On the Ritz" scene, but Vlad might actually be even more monstrous and glitchy than Victor's Frankenstein, hence Putin on the Fritz.
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8. Vlady Not Glady
Any photo of Putin almost always shows a man who looks like he was either just diagnosed with caner or is about to bite the head off a puppy. That's what makes this potential nickname all the more ironic.
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9. Pouty Patootie
When Russia's dictatorial leader is not perpetually frowning, he almost looks like he's pouting. You know, like if one of his generals doesn't bring him back a bunch of Ukrainian corpses, he'll immediately start to pout.
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10. The Longtable Loon
Although poisoning journalists and having his political opponents suddenly disappear are among Putin's favorite activities, he seems to favor those super long tables that look straight out of Game of Thrones. So why not play off his weird affinity for long tables with this simple but effective nickname?
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1. Little Stalin
Comparing any modern-day Russian leader to the brutish and ultra-murderous Joseph Stalin is a mighty stretch. After all, the man had millions of his own people killed or shipped to gulags. But man could he rock a mustache.
Since Putin is trying all he can to reach the murderous depths of Stalin, he's a tiny nesting doll and nowhere in the same galaxy of strongman as Stalin. That's why Little Stalin seems like the perfect choice.
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2. A$$hole Riot
Pussy Riot, a Russian feminist protest punk rock and performance art group based in Moscow, has had considerable issues with Putin over the years. The group gained global notoriety when five members of the group staged a performance inside Moscow's Cathedral of Christ the Saviour on February 21, 2012. The women said their protest was directed at the Orthodox Church leaders' support for Putin during his election campaign.
So it only seems fitting that President Biden play off the name of this wildly popular Russian band in a snarky nickname for Putin.
