Meanwhile in Florida: Man Arrested For Masturbating Inside Starbucks (Extra Cream)

You’ll never think of cream in your coffee the same way ever again after hearing this story. A so-called “homeless male model” recently got caught jerking off in a Florida Starbucks.

On a Friday morning, 27-year-old Blake Reign got more than just a cuppa Joe when he hit up the coffee chain’s location on Collins Avenue and 29th Street in Miami Beach. He stood in front of an American flag and masturbated while people-watching.

“What are you [expletive] doing? Get the [expletive] out! It’s disgusting!” witness Alyssa DiMaria yelled at the pervert while she filmed him with her cell phone.

Reign continued pleasuring himself for a full 10 minutes until police arrived. Then he ran.

Cops actually had to shoot him with a dart-firing stun gun – but it took eight rounds until they finally apprehended him. They then used “closed fist distraction blows” and kicked him in the lower back area to get him under control, according to an arrest report.

Eventually, Reign was taken by Miami Fire Rescue to Mount Sinai Medical Center. He was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, disorderly conduct in an establishment, and resisting an officer without violence. His bond has been set at $700, but as of this writing, no one has bothered to bail him out.

“Once alerted to the customer’s behavior our partners took action and local authorities were immediately called,” Starbucks said in a statement in response to the indecent incident. “We want our stores to be a welcoming environment. and our partners are empowered to address any behavior that doesn’t meet our third place policy.”

We really can’t deal with public masturbators until we’ve had our coffee. The least this dude could do was wait for everyone to get caffeinated before having to call police and take officers on a foot chase. From here on out, however, we’re ordering our java black.

Cover Photo: Miami-Dade County Corrections and Rehabilitation

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