Meanwhile in Vancouver: Scientists Suggest Coyote Attacks Linked to Drugs, We Didn’t Know Weed Hit Like That

Coyotes are funny little dogs that roam around town in packs, howl at the moon, and are happy to eat discarded cat food. So while it can be a bit startling to come across one when taking out the trash, they usually bolt at the first sign of a human.

At least they used to. Recent exploits up and down the west coast have challenged that perception.

In California, a coyote walked into a middle school classroom on the first day of school, presumably to get back to the post-summer grind with the rest of the 14-year olds. And whilst a moody coyote with acne is a startling image, the really terrifying trend is happening in Vancouver where a spate of recent attacks has left locals shaken (and bitten).

The attacks began earlier this year in Stanley Park, with roughly 30 taking place since the start of summer. But things really began heating up last week when a couple’s romantic picnic got rudely interrupted after a hungry coyote ambushed them in a desperate attempt to score some aged gouda.

According to Shelley Alexander (a coyote expert from the University of Calgary), the attacks are most likely the result of people feeding the coyotes.

And drugs.

“That’s a precursor to an attack,” Alexander said, adding that in Stanley Park there’s, “definitely chronic feeding.”

She went on to mention a bunch of other factors like urbanization, weather, and opioids, but we’re pretty sure she ultimately meant the coyotes are eating chronic weed brownies and tripping so hard that human legs are transforming into roast turkey legs before their very eyes.

While Alexander’s theories are pure speculation at this point, we sure hope she’s right and it is the drugs, and not a violent global coyote uprising like the prophecies foretold.

Cover Photo: Kathleen Reeder Wildlife Photography (Getty Images)

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