Jake Gyllenhaal’s New Bae Is Sourdough Bread

One of Hollywood’s most eligible bachelors is off the market. Actor Jake Gyllenhaal recently announced on The Late Show With Stephen Colbert that he’s in a relationship with sourdough bread. “As my hair has grown longer and as I’ve sort of slowly inched into the hipster world, I’ve found myself falling in love with sourdough,” the actor told the late-night show host.

At the start of the interview, Gyllenhaal even shushed Colbert out of respect for his “resting” sourdough. Colbert asked if Gyllenhaal has fallen into the “sourdough cult” that has emerged because of coronavirus quarantine. Like a lot of us, Gyllenhaal got bored sheltering in place and tapped a baker friend for bread-baking instruction. Sourdough requires fermentation, which most people don’t have time to tend to during their normal lives. But thanks to COVID-19, we’re all milling around our homes trying to fill the days, and bread is one of the best ways to kill time.

Colbert admitted he’s a member of the cult, too, and showed off his own sourdough starter, which he described as sour-smelling, bubbly, and foamy – to which Gyllenhaal gave two huge thumbs up. Gyllenhaal then held his own sourdough bae up to the camera. “That’s beautiful,” Colbert said, then asked for advice on what to do with his own starter. Gyllenhaal was surprisingly knowledgeable in his gluten-ous guidance.

It would seem the Spider-Man: Far From Home star truly is in love with sourdough, and really, why not? Bread can’t leave you, cheat on you, or criticize your shaggy hair and quarantine wardrobe. Yet its dough feels eerily similar to flesh — and when baked, eating it is almost orgasmic. We’re getting so hot and bothered just thinking about it, we might have to go find our own sourdough sweetheart to embrace right now.

Cover Photo: YouTube

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