Coronavirus has become a household name by now. The disease otherwise known as COVID-19 has spread across the globe and infected over 100,000 and killed over 5,000. There’s not only a test for coronavirus, but some facilities, like the Mayo Clinic, are getting creative about administering it (in a drive-thru). But that doesn’t mean there isn’t a stigma surrounding those who have the virus (or suspect they might). Even though you think you know your friends through and through, it’s possible that you have someone in your social circle right now who’s infected but is too ashamed to share that with you – and in this case, what you don’t know could kill you. We’re breaking down 10 ways to tell if one of your friends has coronavirus – but isn’t telling you.
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Friend Has Coronavirus
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They're constantly wearing a scarf.
It isn't really cold enough in any part of the country now to justify wearing a scarf. And your friend isn't the type to wear one for fashion's sake. Yet they seem to have a scarf perpetually wrapped around not just their neck, but their mouth, too. Are they trying to restrain infectious "droplets" from escaping? There doesn't seem to be any other explanation.
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They can't stop sweating.
You mentally review the reasons why someone might sweat excessively: nervousness, a hangover, a heat wave, a hard workout. None of these apply to the times you've seen your friend recently, yet their pores are squirting like a sprinkler.
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They're going through a lot of Kleenex.
Sure, in some climates it's still cold and flu season, while in others allergy season is now underway. But your friend's Kleenex habit has reached disturbing proportions and they're constantly covered in a fine Kleenex dust from head to toe. Runny nose, much?
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They're militant about hoarding.
Your friend used to mock preppers as paranoid losers, but every time you talk lately, they're telling you what their toilet paper roll count is at. (Triple digits now.) They insist you head to the store and stock up before all the paper products are gone. You don't want to be the ass wipe wiping their ass with napkins, do you?
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They refuse to go out.
Your friend used to be your reliable wingman, always ready to hit the town and shake things up. Now, all they want to do is stay in their apartment. Not even the promise of booze, food, or the opposite sex can lure them out. What is going on?
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They've given up on sex.
It used to be that your friend just couldn't get laid, but not for a lack of trying. Now they've sworn off sex altogether and refuses to even make an effort. You can't even entice them to swipe through Tinder just for fun. Something is definitely up, and it's not their libido.
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They're not drinking.
You and your friend used to get blasted together. Now, they're politely refusing the drink menu. You can't figure it out; it isn't Dry January or Sober October. Why would a young person refuse a perfectly legal intoxicant? You waited years for the privilege to order alcohol in excessive amounts in public and now your friend just doesn't want to partake. They say it will just make them more tired than they already are. Hmm...
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All they want to eat is soup.
You order food from the trendiest restaurant in your neighborhood and all your friend wants is...soup. Sure, soup's great when you need to warm up or you're sick, but who orders soup from a restaurant? It's not even the rich, beer cheese kind but the brothy, chicken noodle variety. This is definitely suspect.
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They've become philosophical.
Once upon a time, your friend was a nihilist. They didn't believe there was a point to life; therefore, why analyze it? Now, every decision they make is prefaced with "We're all going to die," as if every little choice they make is of supreme importance all of a sudden. They're hyper-focused on staying present. Who is this person and what did they do to your cynical, sarcastic friend?
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They've found Jesus.
Since your friend used to be an outspoken atheist, this sure came as a surprise. Now all he wants to do is listen to Joel Osteen podcasts, sing along to Hillsong, and get down on his knees at random intervals throughout the day. Of all the symptoms you suspect indicate your friend has coronavirus, this one is the most suspicious.
